


Don't Shoot

by LadyAnatar



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Desperation, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 16:32:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10994709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAnatar/pseuds/LadyAnatar
Summary: Surrounded on all sides, Jazz is forced to use a desperate plan in order to escape.





	Don't Shoot

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Notes: A long time ago (okay, like two years), I watched a movie and thought that a certain scene would work really well in a Transformers short. One kick-starting dialogue assignment later, and here it is!
> 
> OoOoO
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or the movie [Redacted].

Apprehensively, Jazz glanced at his surroundings. _Lesse, there's Blitzwing over there, Vortex giggling over there, the rest o' the Combaticons are scattered around with a bunch o' seekers, Megatron is next to that wall, Skywarp is right in fronta' meh… frag, pretty much all of the Earth-based Decepticons but Soundwave and the Stunticons are within 300 feet of meh! And they're ALL pointing weapons at mah helm!_ The Autobot sighed in resignation. He'd hoped to never have to try this particular tactic in real life, but desperate time call for desperate measures.

He whipped out his blaster and jammed it under his chin. "Don't move, or the Autobot gets it!" he growled.

Scarlet optics widened in shock all over the clearing. "What do you take us for, utter fools?" Hook scathingly broke the silence, before one of his brothers punched him and quietly hissed, "Shut up, can't you see he's desperate?"

_That is what Ah'm hopin', yes,_ Jazz thought before shoving the gun harder against his circuitry. "Help meh! Ah think he's gone crazy!" Jazz whimpered with an imploring gaze at the Decepticons.

"Watch out, everyone! I don't think he's bluffing!" someone in the back of the crowd cried. Uncertain Decepticons started stealing peeks at each other, unsure of what to do next.

"Put the weapons away and move back, or I'll blow this Autobot's helm clean off," Jazz growled with a fearsome expression, then switched back to looking terrified. "Please, do as he says! He'll do it! He'll do it!"

Finally, Megatron stalked forward and stared Jazz right in the face, who obligingly let out another pained cry. With a glare, he detached his cannon and subspaced it. "Stand back, mechs. Let him through before the crazed glitch actually shoots him," the Decepticon leader ordered and stepped back himself.

All around the Autobot, Decepticons vanished their weaponry and parted to make a path for him. Slipping through the warriors, blaster firmly rammed against his vital neck components, the saboteur kept sending them panicked looks. "Isn't anyone going to help that poor mech?! Skywarp finally burst out.

There was a loud clang. "Quiet, you fool!" Starscream hissed as he and Thundercracker muffled their third. "That's a fast way to get him killed!"

Just before Jazz finally left the crowd, he called for help one more time. "Please, please, somebody help meh! Shut up!" he ordered himself and clamped his servo over his mouth. Sympathetic, almost horrified optics followed him out of sight around the wall.

As soon as he rounded the corner, the Porsche transformed and burned rubber for the _Ark_. _Jazz, m'boy, you are one_ _ **lucky**_ _slagger. And Ah cannot believe just how_ _ **dumb**_ _the Decepticons are._

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Notes 2: (WARNING! Offensive, period-appropriate language used in a quote.) In case anyone hasn’t guessed it, the scene is from the classic movie “Blazing Saddles.” Specifically, it is based off of the “Don’t shoot or the nigger gets it” scene where the new, intelligent, and very black sheriff arrives in town. You can find it on Youtube, but know that there’s plenty of (very funny) racism and foul words in the three minute scene. 
> 
> Here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77sPKCc4SS0


End file.
